Back in the day when 'Old Wave' was 'New Wave', there was a high school where all the monied people went. Where all the mohawk wearing kids went. And where I went. Minus the money and the stiff hair. And in this land there was a Queen presiding over all. We shall dub her Queenie.
Queenie was one of those people who was so beautiful that everyone would stop their conversations to watch her walk past. The students would watch. The teachers would watch. The dissected cats in anatomy would watch. It was kind of like a pbs nature special where they talk about the more symmetrical you are, the more beautiful you are perceived to be. You were just in awe of what people could actually look like if all their genes were lined up in just the right order.
One day Queenie decided to dye her shoulder length blonde hair. Rumor mill that it was, we all knew ahead of time and waited for the unveiling. Brunette and fabulous. A week after that, pitch black. Stunning. Each week brought a different color. Reds, greens, blues or rainbow - it all looked amazing. I remember the week she went sea foam green. It made you reconsider what you considered to be a natural hue.
But after a while, there were little tufts of colored hair to be found in the locker room. In the shower drain. In the sink. The queen was losing her hair. Oh surely, we collectively thought, the pedestal will be no more. She will walk as one of us. The peons. We heard that since she had ruined her hair, she had shaved it all off. Dare we to dream? It was kind of like channeling Ed Norton in Fight Club, we wanted to destroy something beautiful. Petty? Absolutely.
The day of reckoning approached. It was a long, long weekend for all of us. I remember my good friend remarking that now maybe she would have a chance with the cute jock in math class. Kind of like when the dinosaurs became extinct and the mammals finally had a chance to stretch their legs and evolve the hell up already.
So in she strides, as if nothing unusual had happened. Bald as Uncle Fester. And damned if she wasn't more beautiful than ever. Unbelievable.
We didn't need airbrushed supermodels giving us an unrealistic, unattainable ideal of beauty. We went to school with her. At the time, I would have given anything to look like her. We all would have. But now, with two little girls - it just seems so different. I wouldn't wish that on my babies for anything. We judged her. We watched her. We discussed her endlessly. Poor thing. I can't recall anyone who actually *knew* her. Our loss. And hers.
Here's to the asymmetrical - we were winning the whole time and we didn't even know it.
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3 comments:
Zendra,
Your posts have me thinking about "mean girls". Remember that book, Odd Girl Out, that first identified the mean girl phenomenon? It was written by a Vassar grad. I think I deserve partial publishing credit for addressing this potentially fatal problem facing our girls since I did her admissions interview and highly recommended her.
She got in. She's highly famous. And I have not a penny to show for it. She is a such a bitch. :-)
VERMILLION, S.D. – Nationally recognized author Rachel Simmons will discuss her best-selling book Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, at The University of South Dakota. Simmons, an independent scholar and national trainer for the Ophelia Project, will speak on female aggression and respect for self and others.
According to the Los Angeles Times, Odd Girl Out helped inspire a wrenching and unprecedented nationwide discussion on the subject of girls and bullying. Simmons offers a detailed portrait of girls’ bullying. The book relates the intricate social circles of girls and the ways in which they can manipulate and scheme to wield power or seek revenge. “Unlike boys, who tend to bully acquaintances or strangers, girls frequently attack within tightly knit friendship networks, making aggression harder to identify and intensifying the damage to the victims,” Simmons writes. “Within the hidden culture of aggression, girls fight with body language and relationships instead of fists and knives. In this world, friendship is a weapon, and the sting of a shout pales in comparison to a day of someone's silence. There is no gesture more devastating than the back turning away.”
Simmons grew up in the Maryland suburbs of Washington, DC, and graduated from Vassar College, where she double majored in Women’s Studies and Political Science. Following graduation she worked for Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani as an Urban Fellow. Recipient of a Rhodes Scholarship in 1997, she worked for New York’s Senior Senator Charles E. Schumer as deputy finance director for his US Senate campaign in 1998, and after the election attended Oxford University, where she began studying female aggression. She has been featured on Oprah, the Today Show, Dateline, and NPR’s Talk of the Nation.
AND SHE HAS LISA TO THANK FOR ALL OF THIS, YET DID SHE SEND A CARD? FLOWERS? I GUESS SHE KNOWS THIS MEAN GIRL STUFF FIRST HAND . . .
That poor, poor girl. What a tragedy. I know only too well the pain and suffering that unending adoration can bring.
Hey, do you happen to have her phone number? She may need some consoling.
HEY - its not for me! Its for a friend of mine, who happens to be a therapist. Sheesh!
This is even better reading it than hearing it.
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